F5

I travel with a tornado.  Maybe I exaggerate, but that is what it is like as I shop with the kids.  All I needed was diapers.  They are no where near the front of the store.  Instead, I have to wander back to the far end with the four month old – the one who needs the diapers but could care less and has now started to get grumpy.  No thanks cart with the baby carrier… carry me now!  Adding to the level of difficulty is the five year old – the one who wants to look at everything else along the way.  Fine for a leisurely trip but no time for meandering tonight.  I am on a mission.  First distraction – the signs hanging from the ceiling promoting the upcoming trick-or-treat season.  Yup, they are great.  Two steps later I hear in a familiar outside voice “Hey Mom do you need this pretty pink lady underwear” while chasing me with a pink bra with solid foam cups made for someone who may wear a 28D.  You know, one of the common bra sizes for the American woman… in Hollywood.  Situation derailed, no pink undies needed.  Now onto the long walk to the baby section.  Damn, the Halloween section is discovered a mere 200 feet away from the baby section.  Five year old wants to meet me there.  Am I crazy?  God no you can’t be that far away from Mommy in the store.  Five year old wants to exude his independence.  “Don’t worry Mom.  I won’t let anyone take me.”  Rationalizing with the five year old and trying to grab the right size diapers is not working but ask the five year old for help.  OK, we have the box of  104 diapers.  Maybe enough for the week, nine days tops.  Baby doesn’t like a moist diaper.  Baby pees a lot.  Me and my helper manipulating a box of diapers, a baby and trying to get out of the bubble bath aisle is a bigger feat than I thought.  The five year old wants to carry the box of diapers.  We argue over putting the box in the cart with the unwanted baby carrier.  Distraction appears.  Yes, the new Thomas bubble bath is great… put it down.  Yeah, great, leave it there.  We are not getting it, let’s go.  “Look they have those bath color tablets like we got in the mail.”  Damn Crayola and their sample box with those bath color tablets in it.  OK, fine.  $3.99 – small price to pay for not arguing anymore and getting out of the baby section before the four month grows again and needs the next size diapers.  The checkouts are so far away.  We are now out of the baby section and the five year old has now decided to put everything in the cart with the baby carrier the baby hates in favor of running down the aisles demonstrating his speed.  “Mom, did you see me?  I was a blur.”  Yes, you are speedy.  Slow down.  Daddy takes five year old past the Halloween section.  Quick swing through costumes confirms my fear of needing to make the costumes.  Minimal yelling throughout Halloween decorations but we are getting close to the door.  Crap.  The five year old wants a strawberry milk.  None available so chocolate milk is the next best option.  What the?!?  Why is there high fructose corn syrup in the chocolate milk?  Really?  Five year old not happy but knows Mommy doesn’t budge on this one.  Thankfully, the five year old blur is now at the registers.  Onto the argument at the check out counter while five year old insists on placing all things on the conveyor belt.  Don’t even think of touching anything while he organizes the items for the cashier.  OK, great.  Diapers, check.  Oh dear God.  We need to go next door and get milk.

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